


My Midi-Chlorians

by bri622



Series: My Immortal AU [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gay, Joke Fic, M/M, Meme, My Immortal - Freeform, Poorly written, meme fic, please dont hurt me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 12:08:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 7,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6005347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bri622/pseuds/bri622
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the two biggest hits of the past 100 years, this fic combines my immortal and Star Wars together into the best thing in existence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Pls don't hurt me im a tired bean,

AN: Special fanks (getit cus im awkwardly charming?) 2 my bf (ew not in that way) Matt for helpin me wif da story. Ur a tru jedi! Anakin ur de luv of my dark dark lyfe. Ur a tru Jedi! JOHN WILLIAMS ROX!

Hi my name is Kylo Ren Williams Matt Sith Solo and I have medium black hair (that’s why everyone loves me) with black streaks and black tips that reach my bottom neck and beautiful eyes that make my peeps cry of joy and a lot of people tell me I look like Darth Vader (AN: if u don know who that is get outta hear!) I’m not related to Matt the tecnichian but I wish I was bc he’s a major frickin hawtie. I’m a Sith Lord but I have a call 2 the light side. I have pale white skin from never going outside. I’m also a Sith Lord, in case I didn’t mention it and I go to a majic job called First Order on the Star Killer Base where I’m second only to Snoke (I’m like nineteen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love hot topic and buy all my clothes there. For example today I was wearing a black hoodie cape thing, place skinny jeans, black boots, a black shirt, black socks, black gloves, a black mask with silver stripes on it, and a red swordy looking lite saver. I was wearing white foundation and my hood over my mask. I was walking inside Starkiller Base. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of stormtroopers stared at me. I put my middle finger at them.

“Hey Kylo Ren!” Shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Darth Revan!

“What’s up Darth Revan?” I asked.

“Nothing” He said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZZZZZZ Tell me fanks!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren lives another day on the starkiller base. What will happen? read to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm crying im probably gonna finish this entire thing today watch me.

AN: Fanks 2 mattishawt42069 4 helpin me wif da chaptrrrrrr. BTW rebels stop flamin ma story ok!

The nxt day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowin and rainin again. I opened up the door of my x-1 fighter plain shaped bed and drank sum tea from a bottle I had.My x-1 fiter plane bed was black enoby and inside it was hawt pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my x-1 fightr plaine bed and took of my giant Snoke t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Insted, I put on a black leathr hoodie cape thingy, a 1st order limited edition neklace, combat boots, and my signature mask. I put on 4 pairs of black clothings and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Hux (AN: HUX DIS U) woke up and then frowned at me. HE flipped his short ginger hair with ginger streaks and opened his eyes. He put on his military uniform t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black eyeliner white foundation and black mascara.)

“OMFG, I saw u talking 2 Darth Revan yesterday!” He said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Darth Revan?” He asked as we went out of the 1st order common room and into the great hall.

“No I so fuçking don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” He exclaimed. Just then, Darth Reban walked up to me.

“Hi” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, The Imperial March are having a concert in the Star Killer Base.” he told me.

“Oh. My. Fuçking. God!” I I screamed. I love TIM. They are my favorite music, besides John Williams.

“Well………. Do you want to go with me?” He asked.

I gasped.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will happen on the night of "The Imperial March" concert? read to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm crying so this is how im spending valentines day

_AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY REBELZZ OK! odderwize fanks 2 da 1st order ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANKS AGEN MATT! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 The Imperial March._

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On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heel platforms just like any other 1st order member wood. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minicloak with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms bc it looks hella kool. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little sad that hux couldnt come, so I made him some tea bc i know how much he lov it. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop being so hot and I listened to some TIM. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some of the tea so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Dart Revan was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a "Simple Plan TO Destroy The Rebellion" t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner _(AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!)_.

“Hi Darth Revan!” I said in a depressed voice.

“Hi Kyle Ren.” he said back. We walked into his flying black car thing (the license plate said 69420) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to The Imperial March and John Williams. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to The Imperial March.

“You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived Thank God you killed those rebels lets all kill some rebls 2nite.” sang Stormtrooper #23  _(I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song)_.

“Stormtrooper #23 is so fucking hot.” I said to Darth Revan, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Darth Revan looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

“Really?” asked Darth Revan sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Stormtrooper #23 and he’s going out with Stormtrooper fucking #32. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly mask.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Darth Rebam. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Stormtrooper #43 and Stormtrooper #23 for their autographs and photos with them. We got TIM concert tees. Darth Revan and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Darth Revan didn’t go back into Starkiller base, instead he drove the car into……………………… the THE ICY PLANET BELOW US! _  
_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, the duo are headed to the icy planet below. What happens next will warm you heart.

_AN: I sed stup flaming ok kylo ren’s name is KYLE RAN nut mary su OK! DARTH REVAN IS SOO IN LUV wif him dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!_

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“DARTH REVAN" I shouted. “What the fucck do you think you are doing?”

Dartg Revan didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Kylo?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Darth Revan leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he had a rlly bad case of pink-eye) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as I Darth Revan kissed me passionately. DArth Revan climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…………………………………………………….PADME AMIDALA!  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooo sorry. Pls don't hurt me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THEY'VE BEEN CAUGHT HAVING THE SEX BY PADME what will happen? read 2 find out.

_AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Amydalia swor is coz she had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!_

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Padme made and Darth Revan and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

“You ludacris fools!” he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Darth Revan comforted me. When we went back to the castle Padme took us to Snoke and Han Solo who were both looking very angry.

“They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” he yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Han Solo.

“How dare you?” demanded Snoke.

And then Darth Revan shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”

Everyone was quiet. Amidala and Hand Solo still looked mad but Snoke said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”

Darth Revan and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

“Are you okay, Kylo Ren?” Darth Revan asked me gently.

  
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This page is the first eleven chapters of My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie.

Contents[show]  
Chapter 1Edit  
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

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Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). [[I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

“What’s up Draco?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

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AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

  
Chapter 2Edit  
AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

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The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!” she said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Draco?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he told me.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. “Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.  

Chapter 3Edit  
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

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On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

“Hi Draco!” I said in a depressed voice.

“Hi Ebony.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

“You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life.” sang Joel (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

“Joel is so fucking hot.” I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

“Really?” asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Joel and he’s going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn’t go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Forest!  

Chapter 4Edit  
AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

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“DRACO!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Draco didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Ebony?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!  

Chapter 5Edit  
AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

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Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

“You ludacris fools!” he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

“They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” he yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor McGonagall.

“How dare you?” demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

“Are you okay, Ebony?” Draco asked me gently.

“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the boys’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Darth Revan was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna destroy the rebellion’ by Good First order. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.  


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sooo another new character gets introduced.

_AN: shjt up prebelz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!_

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The next day I woke up in my x-1 fighter plane bed. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with black.

In the Great Hall, I ate some First Order Cereal cereal with apple juice instead of milk, and a glass of red apple juice. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the apple juice spilled over my top.

“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn’t have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco’s and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I didn’t get one you sicko.

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Lucca Skywalker (lucca this is u), although most people call me Goth these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because have u seEN ME???.” he giggled.

“Well, I am a goth.” I confessed.

“Really?” he whimpered.

“Yeah.” I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Darth Revan came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its my immortal basically pls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plsssssss stop me

_AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Kylo Ron isn’t a Marie Sue ok he isn’t perfect HES A SATANITS! n he has problemz hes a murderer 4 godz sake!_

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Darth Revan and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish _(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?)_. I waved to Goth. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Dorth revan. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. _(c is dat stupid?)_

“Oh REvan, Darth!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Darth revan’s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… GOTH!

I was so angry.

“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Darth Revan pleaded. But I knew too much.

“No, you fucking idiota!” I shouted. “You probably have a std anyway!”

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Darth Revan ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Goths’s classroom where he was having a lesson with Snoke and some other people.

“GOTH SKYWALKER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.  


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> omg what am i doingggg

_AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a resistance membr!_

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Everyone in the class stared at me and then Darth Revan came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

“KyoL, it’s not what you think!” Revan screamed sadly.

My friend J'ar Jar Binkz smiled at me understatedly. He flipped his long waste-length gothic black ears and opened his crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. He had pale white skin that he was wearing white makeup on. Jar Jar was kidnapped when he was born. His real parents are aliens and one of them is a witch but Poe Dameron killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he couldnt live without her. He still has nightmares about it and he is very haunted. It also turns out his real last name is Binkz and not Binks. (Since he has converted to Satanism he is in 1st order now not the Repunlic. )

“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Snoke demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

“Goth, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Darth Revan!” I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don’t know why Kylo was so mad at me. I had went out with Goth (I’m bi and so is Kylo Ren) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Rey, a drop of golden sun. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a reliance memvber.)

“But I’m not going out with Darth Revan anymore!” said Goth.

“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Icy Planet Below Us where I had lost my virility to Darth revan and then I started to bust into tears.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone please stop me


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some advice from poe

_AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snok dosent lik lucca now is coz hes christian and goth is a satanist! JOHN WILLIAMS ROX!_

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I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Darth Revan for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Drath Revan.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with not-red eyes and a nose and everything started flying towards me on a space ship! He did have a nose (basically like Poe Dameron in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was…… POE DAMERON!

“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Poe shouted “THATS NOT HOW THE FORCE WORKLS!” and I couldn’t run away.

“Chewbacca!” I shouted at him. Poe fell of his ship and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.

“Klyo.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Goth Skywalker!”

I thought about Goth and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Stormtrooper #23. I remembered that Darth Revan had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Darth revan went out with Goth before I went out with him and they broke up?

“No, Poe!” I shouted back.

Poe Dameron gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.

“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Darth Revan!”

“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.

Poe Dameron got a dude-ur-so-obvious-about-liking-him look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Goth, then thou know what will happen to Darth Revan!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his bfighter plane.

I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Darth revan came into the woods.

“Darth Revan!” I said. “Hi!”

“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Stormtrooper #23 and John Williams. “Are you okay?” I asked.

“No.” he answered.

“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.

“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.  


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Omg so someone might die? I forgot this happened in the original fic whoops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: i didn't remember this happened until i went to look up this chapter but there is an attempted suicide (character wont die tho)

_AN: stup it! if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out j'ar jar isn’t a muggle afert al n she n goth r evil datz y dey movd to the 1st order ok! I'm sorry that I've been sucha bithc and cant spell and dont use proper grammer, but FUCK OFF!_

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I was really scared about Poe Darmon all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band The Imperial Empire 420. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between TIM, Darth Vader and John Williams. The other people in the band are J'ar Jar Binks, Goth Skywalker, Darth Revan, Finn (although we call him Emo666 now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Leiaa. Only today Darth Revan and Goth were sick so they weren’t coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Darth Revan was probably drinking tea (he wouldn’t die because he was a tea drinker too and the only way you can kill a tea drinker is with a c-o-f-f-e-e (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak) and Goth was probably watching a sad movie like Jack And The Cuckoo-clock Heart. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my eight pack and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not.

We were singing a cover of ‘I hate the rebels’ and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

“Kylo Ren! Are you OK?” J'ar Jar asked in a concerted voice.

“What the fuck do you think?” I asked angrily. And then I said. “Well, Poe Dameron came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Lucca! But I don’t want to kill him, because, he’s really nice, even if he did go out with Revan. But if I don’t kill Lucca, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Darth revan!” I burst into tears. Suddenly Darth Revan jumped out from behind a wall.

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking poser rebel bitch!” _(c is dat out of character?)_

I started to cry and cry. Darth Revan started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Padme Amidala walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache.

“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. _(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y)_ “EKylo Ren Darth revan has been found in his room. He committed suicide by drinking coffee.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD I THINK IM ALMOST AT THE PART WHERE RAVEN STEALS TARA'S JACKET YESSS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is why u dont spend valentines day alone. Also there's another attempted suicide in this chapter :/

_AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!_

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“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! J'ar Jar tried to comfort me but I told him fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Padme chased after me shouting but she had to stop when I went into my room cause she would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of tea and then I drank some tea. It got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a The Imperial March song at full volume. I grabbed a coffee and almost drank to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snok was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Mat The Radar Techniciam was masticating to it! They were sitting on their spaceships.

“EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of John Williams on it. Suddenly Goth ran in.

“Its time 4 a d-d-d-d-duel!” he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his lite saver. I took my gun and shot Snoke and Mat a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Amlydala ran in. “Kylo Ren, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted looking at Snok and Mat and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Finnn ran outside on his plane and said everyone we need to talk.

“What do you know, Fn-2187? You’re just a little sanitation student!”

“I MAY BE A SANITATION WORKER….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“This cannot be.” Snok said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Amlydala’s saber had shot him. “There must be other factors.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.

Mat held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough tea.

“Why are you doing this?” mattttt radar said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Fin said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

“Because you’re goffic?” Snok asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

“Because I LOVE HIM!”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im reallly close to the sweater part you'll see

_AN: stop f,aing ok fin is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snok iant kristian plus fin isn’t really in luv wif kylo ren dat was hux ok!_

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I was about to drink coffee with the silver spoon that Dark Raven had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

“NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS FInn but it was Goth. He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY PROSTHETIC ARM HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

I stopped. “How did u know?”

“I saw it! And my prosthetic turned back into the real arm!”

“NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have an arm anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but Leia changed it into a prosthetic for me and I always cover it up with gloves.” he said back. “Anyway my arm hurt and it turned back into the real deal! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Darth Revan…………….Pfoe has him bondage!”

Anyway I was in the school nurse’s office now recovering from my coffee stains. Snok and mat and FINN were there too. They were going to St.Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can’t have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. Amidala had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Finn came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

“Kyol I need to tell u somethnig.” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

“Fuck off.” I told him. “You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don’t like fucked up traitors like you.” I snapped. Finn had been mean to me before for being a 1st order.

“No Kylo Rne.” Finn says. “Those are not roses.”

“What, are they empire members too you traitor rebel?” I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

“I saved your life!” He yelled angrily. “No you didn’t I replied.” “You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snok and Mat.” Who MASTABATED _(c is dat speld rong)_ to it he added silently.

“Whatever!” I yelled angirly.

He pointed his saber at the pink roses. “These aren’t roses.” He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that’s all you haD TO SAY! .

“That’s not a spell that’s an MCR song.” I corrected him wisely.

“I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes.” Then he screamed. “Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio _(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for lucca I love you bby!)_ imo noto okayo!”

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn’t a tr8r rebel.

“OK I believe you now wtf is Dart Revanm?”

Fingn rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

“U c, Kyol Ren,” AmlyDalia said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes _(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT)_ u mst find urslf 1st, k?”

“I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!” Frin yelled. aMIDalka lookd shockd. I guess he didn’t have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Flin stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, padem amidelalaa!”

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Darth Vader on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Harrison Ford  _(if u don’t know who he iz ur a prep so fuk off!)_ and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

“You look kawai, boi.” J'ar Jar said sadly. “Fanks _(geddit)_ you do too.” I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snok and Matt the Radar technician couldn’t spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Goth was in the How 2 kill rebel jedi peeps class. He looked all sad because Darth Revan had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Drath Reven. He was sucking some blood from a rebl.

“Hi.” he said in a sad way. “Hi back.” I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Lucca Skywalker had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Drath Revam. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Han Soldo who was watching us and so was everyone else.

“Goth you fucker!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Darth revanm!” I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY ARM< HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

“NO!” I ran up closer.

“I thought you didn’t have a arm anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but Leia changed it into a prosthetic for me and I always cover it up with glove.” he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draoth Revam…………….Pole has him bondage!”

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_SPECIAL FANGZ 2 LUCCA MY GOFFIX BLOOD DADDY WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111_

HEY LUCCA DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who returns? POLE DARMON!

_AN: lucca fankz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of john williams but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! RENBELS STOP FLAMIGNG!_

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Goth and I ran up the stairs looking for Padme. We were so scared.

“Amidala Amydalo!” we both yelled. Padme Amedale came there.

“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily.

“poe has revan!” we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

“No! Don’t! We need to save darh revan!” we begged.

“No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what poe damron does to darth revan. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Kyko.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. Goth Skywalker started crying. “My Dark Revy!” he moaned. _(AN: don’t u fik guyz r lik so hot!)_

“Its okay!” I tried to tell him but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry tears of tea. Then he had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” he exclaimed.

“What?” I asked him.

“You’ll see.” he said. He took out his light sabe and did a jed mind trick. Then…… suddenly we were in Peo Damernois’s lair!

We ran in with our life sabers out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Abra Kedavra!” It was……………………………….. POE DARJMKEON! 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When does the jacket thing happen it has been so long since it was first mentioned i just want that character to be killed off over a jacket pls

_AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Lucca fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz sad n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I drank tea. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!_

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_WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD._

We ran to where Ploe was. It turned out that Poe Darmoent wasn’t there. Instead the rebel who killed traitor guy was. Darth revan was there crying tears of blood. Rey was torturing him. Goith and I ran in front of Rey.

“Rid my sight you despicable rebels!” she shouted as we started shooting her with the gun she Then suddenly she looked at me and she fell down with a lovey-dovey look in her eyes. “kyloRenIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” she said. _(in dis she is sixteen yrs old so shes not a pedofile ok)_

“Huh?” I asked. ”Kloy Rejn I love you will you have sex with me?” asked Rey. I started laughing crudely. “What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.” I said angrily. Then I stabbed her in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain. (did i just kill reylo)

“Nooooooooooooo!” she screamed. shee started screaming and running around. Then she fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.

“Rey what art thou doing?” called Poe Dramon. Then…… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our palens and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Goth went away. There I started crying.

“What’s wrong honey?” asked Darth revan taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a ate-pack _(geddit cuz hes so sherded)_ and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

“Its so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other guyz and preps here except for J'ar Jar Binks, because he’s not ugly or anything.”

“Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts.” answered Darth revam.

"Yeah but everybosy is in lo ve with me! Like Snoke and Mattt took a video od me naked. Fin say he's in love with me. Goth likes me and now even Rey is in love with em! I just wanna be with you ok Daryh Revan! Why couldn;'t Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angfrily. (an: don't wory kylo ren isnt a snob or anything but a lot of ppl have told him hes pretty) "I*'m good at too many things! WHY CANT I JUST BE NORMAN? ITS A FUCKING CURSE!" i shouted and then I ran away.


End file.
